Jay Kim Thinks…

my heart and mind on a digital page
November 7, 2012

Presidents, Caesars, Empires

The post-election vitriol and venom that’s being slung around like mud seems to be especially destructive and ugly this time around.  It says a lot of things, not the least of which is that ours is a highly polarized and passionate nation.  This isn’t a bad thing.  We ought to fight for the things we believe in and speak our minds when it comes to issues that matter.  That’s one of the great tenets of our society – that we are free to say as we please.

Social media is amplifying everything.  Facebook and Twitter have become middle school back lots where we stand around with our chests puffed out, our friends standing behind us, cheering us on as we stare down those who disagree, pushing each other a bit but holding back from actually throwing a punch for fear of repercussion or embarrassment.  I get it.  Emotions are running high.  Half of us feel like we’re sinking and half of us feel like we’re soaring.  But can we reconsider things a bit?

When Jesus was born in a small Bethlehem cave, the world was in turmoil.  Pax Romana, the Peace of Rome, suffocated the land with a violent, iron fist.  Caesar, the emperor of the empire, was considered a deity and dominated the political landscape with no equal and no accountability.  He was king and lord and no one could say otherwise for fear of execution.  The Jews were a marginalized people, living on the outskirts of the empire, paying up to 90% of what they made in various taxes to the empire and fighting amongst themselves about the best way out of the mess they found themselves in.  All the while, they were awaiting their Messiah, the promised Savior and King who would be sent by God to free them from tyranny and restore their nation to its rightful place.  Almost all of the Biblical story, from beginning to end, is told from the perspective of people living under the oppression of an empire.  It is written from the margins, echoing across generations from the cracks and crevices of poverty, slavery and tragedy.  Egypt, Babylon, Persia, Assyria, Rome.  These are the superpowers in the narrative.  Israel is almost always found flattened beneath the trampling feet of empires larger and more powerful.

This is why God commands over and over again to care for the alien and widow and orphan, to leave some crop on the edges for the hungry, to give drink to the thirsty, to take in the stranger, to visit the prisoner, to clothe the needy and to love the enemy.  God is not imposing a set of backwards ideals that make no sense.  No.  God is commanding them to live in a way that makes the most sense possible.  He’s speaking to a nation that has no land, full of widows who’ve lost beloved spouses to war and death, to children who’ve lost parents to famine and disease, to a people who’ve tasted hunger and thirst and who’ve lived on the margins as strangers, to a people who know all too well the dark gray of prison cells, the anguish of desperate need, the bitter cold of winter and the pain of being ostracized as the enemy.

Jesus entered this story and instead of winning an election and toppling an empire, he succumbed to death on the cross.  Instead of political victory, he achieved something far greater – victory from the grave.  He reversed human trajectory.  No longer must we fear the end of this life.  And along the way, Jesus touched lepers and ate with prostitutes.  He also partied with the rich and drank with the social elite.  He didn’t side with the poor or the rich.  He didn’t run to the left or right of political center.  He simply did away with the divisions altogether in order to remind us all that in God’s kingdom, we are all beloved sons and daughters, nothing more and nothing less.

So in this post election season, as followers of Jesus, may we remember that we are called to make a difference, not just a point.  May we remember that no man is our savior nor our downfall.  May we remember that we are shaped as a people by the decisions we make on a daily basis, not just on election day.  The choice you made to check either “Obama” or “Romney” on your ballot did very little in terms of actually changing the world.  Remember that the hard work begins with you.  We can all choose to make political policies and agendas the crutches upon which we lean, doing nothing and blaming it on everyone but ourselves.  Or we can choose to go above and beyond by loving and giving sacrificially, accepting and embracing those who don’t deserve it, replacing our appetite for fairness with a hunger for grace and mercy.  It’s what Jesus did and it is to him alone we ought to pledge our complete allegiance.  So today I pray along with Barack Obama and Mitt Romney that God would indeed bless America.  And I pray that this blessing would look nothing like what we desire in our selfish hearts and instead would only be what God desires for us as a people.

2 comments
October 29, 2012

Baseball, Bob Goff & Perseverance

Last night I watched the San Francisco Giants win their second World Series championship in three seasons.  Unbelievable.  While they were clinching in Detroit, more than 10,000 fans gathered at San Francisco’s Civic Center plaza to watch and celebrate.  The entire Bay Area’s come alive these past few years because of baseball.

I first fell in love with the San Francisco Giants because in 1989, Will Clark hit .650 in the NLCS against the Cubs.  He hit two homers in game one of that series and at the time, I thought that was the most superhuman thing I’d ever seen.  I couldn’t get the soccer ball out of the infield during kickball games at recess and here’s Will Clark hitting two homers at Wrigley Field.  One was a grand slam, by the way.  I was hooked.

But here’s what I’ve come to really love about baseball over the years.  It’s not about one game or one player.  It’s not even about one playoff series.  What I love about baseball is that every detail matters infinitely more than any detail that’s come before precisely because there’s so much that’s come before.  Sergio Romo struck out Miguel Cabrera last night in the final at-bat of the World Series.  The slider he threw to strike Cabrera out, that single pitch, was absolutely the most important pitch in all the world at that moment.  But it was only as important as it was because Giants pitchers threw more than 20,000 pitches over 162 games in the regular season just to get to the playoffs and another 2,000 pitches over 15 games in the playoffs in order to get to Romo’s final pitch.

Baseball is a game of few successes built slowly over time upon heaps of failures.  It requires patience and perseverance.  And the only guarantee is that perfection is impossible.  No one bats 1.000 and no team wins all 162.  In the modern era, Rogers Horsby holds the record for highest batting average [.424] and the Seattle Mariners hold the record for most wins in a season [116].  This means that the absolute greatest hitter in a single season still failed almost 58% of the time and that the winningest team still lost 46 times.  In baseball, success is the exception and failure is the rule.  This is what makes the game great.  Successes are savored, enjoyed and celebrated because they’re rare and take a long while to achieve.

If baseball offers us any great life lesson, it’s this: It is the often mundane and monotonous journey, full of failures and imperfections, leading us to the rarified air of success, that makes the success itself meaningful and significant.  

Our tendency in life is to see others’ highlights and compare our failures to their successes.  The other week, our church had the chance to host Bob Goff.  As he spoke and shared his story, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What am I doing with my life?”  This is a common response when we experience others’ highlights.  But what’s true about Bob and what’s true about the San Francisco Giants is what’s true about me.  The highlights only matter because there have been so many low-lights that have come before.  The world-changing successes have been built upon story after story of failure and imperfection.  It’s only when we embrace this reality that we might begin enjoying the entire journey and seeing our stories with the proper perspective.  They say that Babe Ruth was fond of saying, “Every strike gets me closer to the next home run.”  He was right.  Maybe the difference between those who change the world and those who don’t is as simple as making the decision to push onward when failures and imperfections nudge at us to quit.

I love how James encourages us in his New Testament letter:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. [James 1:2-4]

So when you fail, push onward.  Keep going.  Persevere.  Remember that your failures and imperfections are the steps you’ll climb to your greatest successes.

1 comment
October 25, 2012

Happy birthday Mom

Today is my mom’s birthday.  I won’t tell you how old she is.  I don’t think she’d appreciate that.  It’s not really the number of years that matters anyway.  I celebrate today because it reminds me that this all started somewhere, in a place and at a time when no one knew a thing about what she’d do or who she’d be.  I celebrate today because it reminds me that once, my mother was helpless and vulnerable and carried the unknown weight of expectations just like any other newborn.  I celebrate today because, while I do not know what was expected of her from parents, siblings and society at her birth, our history tells me that she has and continues to live a life worth remembering.  I celebrate today because my mother has loved well – God, me, my wife, our family, coworkers, friends, the church, etc.  I celebrate today because I’m grateful God brought her into the world some years ago.

In recent months, I’ve experienced a renewed sense of urgency in my relationships with those I care most deeply about.  The reality that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed has come into view with vivid clarity.  This is a strange paradox.  I believe the New Testament Gospels very literally, so resurrection and hope for eternity are very real anchors for me.  But I’ve come to find that while these anchors keep me still and steady, they do not alleviate this peculiar urgency about the here and now.  Maybe this isn’t something to be alleviated but embraced?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I am becoming more acutely aware of my need to enjoy shared moments as they’re given because shared moments are gifts, each one is unique and another one is never promised.  I think this is why pictures are helpful.  They’re snapshots of these unique moments and they remind us of something so much bigger and fuller than the picture itself.

So today, my mom’s birthday, is a snapshot that reminds me of something much bigger and fuller. It’s a snapshot that reminds me of a life well lived, full of love and hope, marked by faithfulness and sacrifice, driven by conviction and expressed in grace.  Happy birthday Mom.  You’re my hero.

Leave a comment
September 26, 2012

Microbrews, House Churches, Community

A few months ago, the New York Times ran an article about the recent comeback of the London beer scene.  It made me want to fly to London, enjoy a few pints and watch a little football [Wayne Rooney, not Tom Brady].  Here’s a snippet from the article:

Indeed, London is experiencing a craft beer renaissance so remarkable that keeping up has become a full-time job… Despite its history as the home of many of the world’s best-loved brewing styles —  IPA, porter, stout, brown ale and Russian imperial stout are all from here — London’s beer culture suffered through several decades of decline, resulting in just seven working breweries by 2006…  But today, the number has at least tripled, with adventurous new ales and lagers appearing from the likes of Camden Town Brewery, which first fired its kettles in 2010, and the East London Brewing Company, which dates from 2011. In addition, a new generation of pubs and bars makes it easy for beer-loving travelers to sample local flavors and rub elbows with the natives.

I knew nothing about the London beer scene until reading this article.  But oddly enough, I’m inspired by what’s happening there.  Drinking a well crafted microbrew is special because you’re enjoying something unique and finite, limited in its availability, to be appreciated fully because another chance at it is far from guaranteed.  A few of my friends have been talking recently about a beer called Pliny the Elder.  It’s brewed at the Russian River Brewing Company, about 100 miles north of where we live.  I’ve been told that other than driving the two hours to Santa Rosa, the only way to get my hands on one is to luck out and find it at one of the few, sporadic liquor stores they distribute to on occasion.  This same brewing company also produces another IPA called Pliny the Younger.  Reviews on the user-driven site beeradvocate.com deem it “the best beer in the world.”  Russian River Brewing Company only offers Pliny the Younger for two weeks in February because of the extensive time and space required to brew it properly.

And herein lies the beauty of what we’re seeing in both the London beer scene renaissance and local breweries like Russian River.  Bigger is not better.  More, faster is the working formula for mass producing the same old product over and over again but it doesn’t work when attempting to create something memorable.  Profit margins take a backseat when it comes to making great beer.  Budweiser profits are in the billions annually while the best beer in the world makes Russian River Brewing Company a minimal profit during its two week run every February.  Crafting a truly memorable beer like Pliny the Younger requires patience over time with meticulous attention paid to the details and an emphasis on developing unique flavors that tell a story and leave an indelible mark.  The really great stuff takes a while.

I am challenged by these characteristics of brewing great beer because they seem to share so much in common with the process of learning to live with and for others as followers of Jesus.  There are all sorts of models used by churches to try and create authentic, genuine community.  Each has its pros and cons.  At some point we simply choose and do our best.  My church community uses the House Church model.  In addition to our Sunday worship services, we gather in communities of 20-40 in various homes throughout our city in the middle of the week to try and create exactly what these brewers are trying to craft in their beers.  Something great, something memorable, something worth enjoying fully.  Something that tells a story worth telling.  And while it might be easier to mass produce House Churches, following a static, fixed formula, I am finding that doing the difficult work of paying attention to the meticulous details of each and every unique community is the only way for us to create the sorts of communities that truly mean something, both to themselves and to the world.  Christian communities, whatever the context and method might be, universally require extensive time and space.  We must live into them patiently.  They need the space to grow and develop their own unique flavors.  None of this is easy but nothing great ever is.  The writer of Hebrews implores us to not give up meeting together and encouraging each other [Hebrews 10:24-25].  Paul instructs us to bear with each other and to forgive each other [Colossians 3:13].  He takes it even further by calling us to carry each other’s burdens [Galatians 6:2].

Keep meeting together… encourage… bear with one another… forgive… carry each other’s burdens…

This is all so difficult.  It will cost us time and space.  It will cost us comfort and convenience.  But it will be worth it.  Because together, in our giving up of self for the good of the other, we will begin crafting our own unique communities that will shape us into the people God intends.  We will begin crafting communities that tell the world a better story of God’s love than the mass produced versions they’ve been told before.

One of the brewing companies leading the charge in the London beer renaissance says this in their mission statement: We are passionate brewers of cask ale, committed to crafting beers with character and integrity.  Located in north London, this brewery is called Redemption Brewing Company.  I hope and pray that we would all together passionately engage in the difficult and glorious work of crafting communities of character and integrity and that as we do, we might see and experience the redemption of God in ourselves, our communities and our world in ways that leave us all changed forever.

*If you live in or near the San Jose area and are interested in journeying with us in one of our House Church communities, you can email me at jay@awakeningchurch.com for info or sign up online.

©Luke Wolagiewicz for The New York Times

 

1 comment
September 9, 2012

Launching Awakening Church

Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. - Ephesians 5:14 [ESV]

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been working on a church plant with some friends.  God has taught me a bunch during this season.  My wife and I have been challenged, inspired and stretched in ways unlike anything we’ve experienced before.  But today is the day when months of dreaming become a reality.  Today, we officially open our doors for the first time as Awakening Church.

A.W. Tozer prefaces his classic The Knowledge of the Holy with this beautiful thought about religion: True religion confronts earth with heaven and brings eternity to bear upon time.  We are planting Awakening Church because we believe that the divide between heaven and earth can and ought to be bridged.  We believe Jesus meant it when he taught us to pray that God’s will would be done here on earth just as it is done in heaven.  We believe that there is more to life than simply existing.  Breathing isn’t living.  Waking up in the morning isn’t the same as being fully alive.

So with these things in mind, we’re launching Awakening Church to awaken this generation to new life in Christ.  Today we begin our efforts to love relentlessly, give generously and share the transformative story of God to our city in ways that might captivate those who have been sleep walking through life, unaware of the availability of eternity at their finger tips.  We are humbled by God’s calling and ecstatic about joining in these efforts with so many other amazing churches in our city who are already marching into broken places and awakening them to new life.  We are eager to see what God will do in the coming months and years with our little church plant.  So today, Awakening Church opens its doors to the Silicon Valley, hoping and praying that the redemptive and restorative power of God would rush out of our space like a river, flooding our city, in the form of our people.

If you live in or near the Silicon Valley and are interested in joining us, we meet on Sundays at 5pm + 7pm at Del Mar High School [1242 Del Mar Ave. San Jose, CA 95128].  Check out awakeningchurch.com for more info.   

1 comment
August 31, 2012

A Proper Response to Bad Ideas

The proper response to a bad idea is a better idea. - Kevin Kelly

Our world is full of bad ideas.  I’ve contributed my fair share.  So have you.  No one has a monopoly on bad ideas.  They’re universal, unbiased and arbitrary.  Albert Einstein once said, Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.  So let’s get over ourselves and admit that we simply aren’t as smart as we think we are.

However, this doesn’t mean that we’re hopelessly relegated to a world of bad ideas.  You and I both know that our world is also full of good and even great ideas.  We also know that these great ideas come from people, human beings just like us.  We commend those who come up with great ideas with any sort of consistency and describe them as genius or brilliant.  But the truth is, great ideas usually come from moments of inspiration.  And, most often, moments of inspiration are the result of the long and arduous process of working to make a better idea out of a bad one.

We see the moments when they receive their Nobel’s and Pulitzer’s and we watch as they captivate us on ted.com but what we don’t often see are the long, lonely hours spent researching, experimenting, reworking, crafting, fine-tuning, failing, etc.  We celebrate and desire the glamorous moments of triumph for ourselves but so few of us are willing to put in the hours and the labor.  So instead, we take the easier route.  We find the bad, the wrong and the imperfect in the hard work of another and we appoint ourselves commentators.  We critique and criticize because it makes us feel like we’re part of the conversation and gives us the false sense that we’re actually contributing to moving the dialogue forward.  While constructive criticism can be helpful, it’s not enough.  Like Kevin Kelly says, the proper response to a bad idea is a better idea.  

So let’s stop criticizing just to be heard.  Let’s stop huddling up in our lazy circles, mocking those who took the risk of putting an idea out there, shallowly affirming each other with our negative judgments.  Let’s stop talking about how much better something should be.  Instead, let’s start dreaming about how much better it could be and then go about the difficult work of making it a reality.  Let’s not just make ideas better – let’s make each other better.  Let’s collectively, humbly and passionately pursue a better world together.

Leave a comment
August 20, 2012

Instagram, Jesus, and The Power of Words

This is my first blog entry in almost two months.  Some of the blame goes to the fact that I’ve been working on a church plant launching in a few weeks while also finishing up my last few seminary classes.  But equal blame must be given to Instagram.  After years of relenting, I finally bought an iPhone a couple of months ago and then immediately downloaded Instagram.  It seems that I simultaneously forgot how to write.  This blog went untouched and unchecked.  My twitter went from being a place to share my thoughts in prose to a digital art gallery of 5-megapixel snippets of my uneventful life, gussied up with “this-isn’t-really-as-cool-as-it-looks” filters like X-pro II or Hefe.  So instead of writing about my thoughts on God, faith, hope, love, etc., I’ve spent my time recently bringing you thoughtful pieces such as…

Hairs on Faces in Strange & Lovely Places

Tapatio Versus Dinosaur on Volcanic Rock

My Imminent Future

I’ve missed writing.  For me, writing is an exhale of thoughts, ideas and questions.  Not writing makes me feel sick.  It takes a while but eventually I start to feel an emotional nausea, as though the stuff rumbling around inside starts to spoil.  So here I am, writing again and it feels great.

The phrase A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words is said to find its roots in advertising.  It’s catchy and clever and memorable.  At times it’s romantic.  But it’s incomplete.  Advertising is by nature incomplete.  A picture may very well be worth a thousand words but the truth is, a few well written or well spoken words can paint a thousand pictures.  Words have erected and toppled empires.  Words have inspired and broken hearts.  Words have spoken into life both good and evil over the course of human history.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

John begins his Gospel this way.  Logos [λόγος] is Greek for word.  This is how John describes Jesus.  Words are relational by nature.  When a word is spoken or written, its significance lies not in its utterance or written form in and of itself.  Rather, its significance lies in what the word does when it reaches the listener or reader.  Words come to life only in as much as they affect those for whom the word was given.  And in Jesus, the Word that was with God and the Word that is God, we receive the most powerful word ever spoken.  It is a word of grace and hope and love.  Regarding this passage at the beginning of John’s Gospel, N.T. Wright says:

John is consciously echoing the first chapter of Genesis: In the beginning God made heaven and earth; in the beginning was the Word.  When the Word becomes flesh, heaven and earth are joined together at last, as God always intended.

And so God speaks his Word to us in the life, death, and resurrection of his Son and his Son, the Word, brings it all together.  The Word of God mends back together the fabric of reality that was torn in the Garden.  The Word restores the union that was always intended for heaven and earth – that they would be one and the same, God with us, walking in the cool of the day as he did in Genesis 3.  May this be a reminder to us that words matter.  Our words, whether spoken, written, or otherwise expressed, matter.  What we say to God and what we say to others – it all matters.

So speak and write words that mend and restore.  Your words have the power to heal.  So speak and write them well.  Join together the broken things of this world with your words.  Speak light into dark places.  Write joy into the hearts of the hurting.  Put down your phone, stop living 5-megapixels at a time, and spend some time on crafting words of life that just might help change the world.

5 comments
June 27, 2012

Six Months, Six Lessons in Church Planting

In January, I started working on a church plant with a few friends.  My involvement wasn’t public until late February because of various timing issues but in total, I’m six months into this new venture.  As a church planting novice, this first half year has been eye opening, challenging, and exhilarating.  Here are six lessons I’ve learned from my first six months as a church planter.  This is by no means a comprehensive or definitive list for church planters – just a few things I’ve learned in my context.

Love for Community begins with Love for Team.  I love the people I work with.  I don’t just love working with them or planting a church with them.  I actually love them.  This love has developed over the past few months as we’ve been in the trenches, grinding it out on most days.  There is a sense of family that develops out of friendship when sharing something as intimate and intense as planting a church.  I’ve found that my love for our team has deeply influenced my heart for our community.  I am beginning to see our community as an extension of our team and so it has become increasingly more natural for me to love our community because I so deeply love our team.

Focus on Growing Stronger, Not Bigger.  I stole this directly from my friend Ryan, who also happens to be my boss and co-planter.  Let’s not over simplify and say that size doesn’t matter.  It does, for a number of reasons we won’t get into here.  But when an organization, especially a church, focuses primarily on getting bigger, there is a growing temptation to speed up the process in all sorts of unhealthy, unnatural ways.  Healthy things grow naturally, so a focus on growing stronger will result in healthy growth, often in supernatural ways.

Celebrate People, not Programs.  Churches, especially here in the west, are designed with our worship services and various programs offered as the centerpieces of what we do and, in turn, who we are.  But most of us would also agree that the church is people, not a building, a service, or a program.  Many of us have said as much.  We must address this discrepancy not just with our words but with our actions, in what we celebrate, promote, and emphasize.  We must focus on celebrating the stories of what God is doing in people and place less emphasis on all the cool stuff we’re doing or the great programs we offer.

Friendships trump Strategies & Systems… Strategies and systems are vital [more on that below] but friendships are of primary importance.  Jesus calls his disciples friends [John 15:14-15] and bases this friendship on the disciples’ ability and willingness to remain in his love for them, love one another, obey his commands, and produce fruit with their lives.  It seems to me that these are the essentials of any church – love God, love one another, follow him in obedience, and watch as God produces fruit through our efforts.  As such, we must begin with friendship – friendship with God and with one another.  Friendships are built on trust and where there is trust, there is room for failure, learning, and growth.  There is also joy, delight, and rest in friendships.  I’ve found this to be the best place from which to operate when church planting.

…But Strategies & Systems are Necessary.  I’m not good with strategies and systems. I tend to be much more abstract and ambiguous in my thinking, which gets me into trouble sometimes.  Thankfully, I’m surrounded by friends who are very strategic and great with creating systems.  Some have made the mistake of thinking that allowing the Spirit to lead means sitting by idly, waiting for something to happen with no plan in place, totally unprepared to respond well if and when God moves.  During the Exodus, as God led the Israelites through the wilderness, the people lived within a nomadic system with a detailed strategy for packing up and moving quickly whenever God was on the move.  Strategies and systems are never the catalysts for life change but they are the operating procedures which allow us to move with God as he leads our kingdom charge into our city.

God’s Kingdom has no room for our Empires.  The temptation for most of us, from small church plants to established mega-churches, is to build our own empires.  No one ever really admits to empire-building but it’s seen in a number of ways – lack of relationship with other churches, with the city, and with the community.  In these last six months, I’ve been humbled and inspired by the ways other churches in our city have rallied around us, supported us, and come to our aid in times of need.  Our relationships with these churches reminds me that we are all in this together.  Our churches are not warring empires from distant lands.  They are all cities on the one hill of God’s eternal kingdom.  When we embrace this reality, we are released from all sorts of false pressures and can more effectively go about the eternal work God has called all of us to.

*If you live in or near the San Jose area and are interested in hearing more about the launch of Awakening Church this fall, you can email me at jay@awakeningchurch.com or check us out online at www.awakeningchurch.com

2 comments
June 17, 2012

Father’s Day Regrets & Redemption

Last year on Father’s Day, I wrote about apathy toward my father and my desire to change.  Here’s an excerpt from that entry on June 19, 2011:

I care far less than I should.  But today is Father’s Day and I am inspired to change.  I’m not sure what I’m going to do.  Maybe I’ll write him a letter.  Maybe I’ll get his number and call him.  Maybe my wife and I will plan a trip to go see him in the next few months.  I believe fathers and sons are reflections.  Sons see their fathers, reflect their fathers, and become their fathers.  But maybe it works the other way around too.  Maybe a father can see his son, reflect his son, and become his son.  Maybe we all have demons we’re wrestling.  Maybe my father and I are in some ways wrestling the same demon.  And maybe, after all these years of wrestling with alcoholism, addiction, and apathy, he and I, my father and I, can beat this thing together.

Sadly, I didn’t have the resolve to actually do what I set out to do.  I sat down to write a letter to my father a few times in the weeks after this initial blog entry.  But I was never able to finish.  Everything I wrote felt trivial or fake.  So I quit.  I never wrote him.  I never called.  I just let him be, as I’d always done.

My father passed away two months ago.  I went to Korea for a couple of days to attend his funeral and take care of some family business.  While there, I found out that my father had given his life to Christ and turned his life around in the last few years of his life.  He’d beaten his demons and spent his final months praying for me and my mother and actively participating in the life of his local church.  He’d taken up photography and snapped pictures any chance he got.  He’d always been a good man, my aunts and uncles told me, and in the final years of his life, he’d actually lived a good life.  Here’s an excerpt from my entry on April 30, 2012, describing my thoughts and feelings on losing my father and the powerful story of a life redeemed:

It’s difficult to describe in words how shaken and moved I am by this part of my father’s story.  I am grateful that God would weave his grace and love into a story as tattered and torn as that of my father and me.  But this is how our God works.  He takes the most broken, mends things together, and redeems the rubble into the most beautiful mosaic.  And so today I remember that my father, despite the mess he made of life, was a good man, kind and compassionate, loved by God and family and friends.  I remember that in spite of his absence, he has been and will continue to be a massive part of who I am, a backdrop against which to color the story of my own life, within the lines of his successes and outside the lines of his failures.  Most importantly, I remember that he is my father, I am his son, and we are both children of the Most High, rescued by love, redeemed by grace, remade into the sons of God neither of us could ever become on our own.

I miss my dad.  I wish I’d been a better man myself.  I wish I’d reached out, written a letter, given him a call every now and then.  I wish I had more pictures of him and with him.  I wish we could’ve shared a cold beer and grilled meat and talked about baseball.  I take comfort in knowing that in God’s kingdom, even regrets can be redeemed.  So I eagerly await the day I’ll see my dad again, when we’ll laugh together for the first time, and we’ll enjoy catching up for eternity.

1 comment
June 14, 2012

Enjoy Today

A couple of days ago, I was watching highlights from Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference, their annual unveiling of the latest and greatest technological gadgets and goodies.  The WWDC has turned into a sort of Christmas for both the tech-savvy and the tech-challenged, of which, I am the latter.  I watched as they unveiled the new Macbook Pro, complete with retina display, 5 million pixels on a single screen, and jet boosters that take you to the moon.  I watched on my Macbook, which I’ve owned and enjoyed for a few years now.  You already know what happens next in this story.  I stared at my “old, outdated” Macbook and was overcome by a sudden dissatisfaction.  It was working fine, doing everything I needed it to do.  It is absolutely the best computer I’ve ever owned.  It was more than enough when I woke up that morning but after a short little video from Apple, it was the biggest piece of crap computer I’d ever seen and I needed to upgrade!

In Matthew 6:34, Jesus says, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”  Most of the people he was talking to were peasants living under the oppressive rule of a foreign empire.  They worried about paying 90% taxes and still having enough money to buy food for their families.  Things are a bit different for us.  I don’t worry about immediate necessities like food, shelter, and clothing.  Instead, I am concerned with what’s next.  My guess is that, to a certain extent, you are too.  We live in a world where the non-essentials – technology, fashion, entertainment, etc. – evolve at an alarming rate.  We talk about sequels to movies before the movies themselves are released.  I never feel cool enough because the minute I buy a pair of jeans, they’re out of style.  My awesome laptop sucks the moment I hear about a newer model.

But all these advancements in technology, all these new forms of entertainment, and all the latest fashion trends aren’t just giving us something.  They’re also taking something precious from us.  They’re stealing from us the ability to enjoy the present and robbing us of the simple pleasures of the here and now.  They’re poisoning our gratitude and appreciation into bitterness, envy, and greed.  Maybe if Jesus could speak the words of Matthew 6:34 to us today,  he’d say, “Don’t worry about tomorrow…ENJOY TODAY.”  We live privileged lives.  We stress over luxuries, not necessities.  So let’s remember that we are blessed with abundance.  And the most Godly thing we can do is enjoy every moment fully, not worrying about what might be tomorrow, instead finding contentment and satisfaction in what is today.

Leave a comment
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 38 other followers

%d bloggers like this: